Empty Dreaming
by seeingtheworld
Summary: Dean's subconscious is trying to tell him something. But Cas gets the message before Dean does. Slightly AU.
1. Chapter 1

"Cas…just stop talking for a second okay? Can you listen to me for a minute?"

"No, Dean, you must listen to me. I need to tell you that I ca-"

_Beep, beep._

This morning, just like the rest of his mornings recently, Dean woke up wrapped around his pillow. Or, as Sammy had put it, cuddling his pillow. What had gotten into him? He was sure as hell he didn't fall asleep that way. Plus he couldn't shake the feeling he'd been having weird dreams. Dean never remembered his dreams, but he's been learning to understand the frustration of people who wake up with wisps of their dreams left and cannot seem to catch hold of them.

When he told this to Sam, he received nothing more than a scoff.

Grumbling, Dean stood. He paced across the room and stretched his arm out behind him to grab the door handle. Once he was successfully alone in the bathroom, his shirt came up and over his head. Having spent nearly his whole life in motel rooms, he blindly reached into the shower for the tap and twisted it on, before knowingly timing a minute for the water to heat up. Sliding off his track pants he felt Cas's hand print burning. Straightening at lightning speed, he stared into the mirror but the scar was almost gone, just as it had been a minute ago.

Sighing Dean sidestepped into the lukewarm shower water and pulled the curtain shut behind him. He squeezed his eyes shut and let the water slide down his face. Dean leaned toward the jet of water set him off balance for when Sam knocked at the door. To stop himself from falling, he slashed out his arm at the tile wall and regained his balance.

The door creaked open and Sam peeped in.

"Can I brush my teeth? You're taking forever."

"I just got in! But, ya, I guess, whatever," Dean said, still holding the wall. He put up his other arm and curled his back muscles like a cat. "So what do you really think?" Dean heard a spitting noise.

"About what?"

"What I said earlier…"

"You sleep like you're dead, Dean, while the rest of us have to deal with insomnia. So, I think its time you dealt with some sleep problems. Plus, I don't even know what your talking about with all this 'forgetting your dreams' shit."

"No, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's the worst feeling in the world. Or it is when all you can remember is a trench coat, but I don't even want to go into that." Dean mumbled half hoping Sam would hear him and half hoping he wouldn't.

"Did you say something?"

"No."

* * *

After dropping in on the Winchesters, Castiel sat alone on the creaky park bench. He was watching the small human children enjoy their weekly break from school. Pondering any question to distract himself, without much success. If weeks begin on Sunday, why is it called the weekend? Or do weeks begin on Monday? Why are little boys always mean to the girls they like? What if a little boy liked another little boy? Even if Dean tells him he looks like a pedophile when he does this, the guilt-free souls of the hyperactive children help him clear his head. Somehow, Dean always makes him feel like a good long head clearing. Dean and confusion have basically become synonymous to Cas.

Last night, and a handful of times before that Cas watched over Dean while he slept. He tries to stop himself because he knows how it looks, but it has become a very trying task for him. The first time, he had innocent intentions. He had hoped to catch Dean before he fell asleep, but missed his opportunity to converse with the human. He almost left when he heard a moan from Dean. The urge to observe, to feel Dean's dream for himself overpowered Cas. He knew he shouldn't. It's not fair to Dean. Nonetheless, he promised that a glimpse would be more that enough, assuring himself that Dean was probably dreaming of Lisa. The room shifted, it was brighter and warm, but the same place. Castiel was confused. There was no one here. Then he heard Dean breathing heavier than usual. Spinning on the balls of his feet, Cas turned towards the Dean-noise. What he saw froze him. He didn't know what to think, much less feel or do. Sitting next to Dean with his hand on Dean's thy and their foreheads pressed together was the same man that appeared when Cas looked in a mirror.

* * *

Dean knew something weird was up with Cas, and it had to do with him. He wanted to fix it whatever it was. How? Well he was still working on his plan. He just knew that Cas' awkwardness level has gone up by ten percent, which is pretty impossible since Cas is permanently stuck and one hundred percent awkward. Dean decided to corner the angel next chance he got and force it out of him.

His chance came when Sam asked Dean to pull into a dingy roadside bar for a celebratory drink, after the finished the job they had been doing.

"I'm not really in the mood Sammy…"

"Dean Winchester refusing a drink? Now we're really screwed. Well, I'm going anyways. Wait here for me."

Dean watched Sam clamber up the steps to the door. Dean took a huge gulp of air and glanced around the Impala. He grabbed a wrapper off the floor and- _wait am I seriously cleaning? For Cas? Okay then… _

"Cas? If your not too preoccupied with all your angel shit at the moment, I'd like to talk… can you come down? Please?"

There was an absence of anything for a second, but when Dean blinked, Castiel appeared from thin air. He was wearing his usual suit, backwards tie and trench coat. But he looked different. Dean couldn't quite put his finger on it…

"Dean?" Castiel's husky voice cut into the silence.

"Oh, ya, s-sorry. I just wanted to ask you what's up. I mean you've seemed kinda off lately and I want you to tell me what's wrong. Oh God, I'm a walking, talking chick flick."

"Chick flick, Dean?" Castiel never failed to need more explanations.

"Never mind. What is going on with you though?"

"Well to be entirely honest, you are the thing that is causing me distress."

"Ya, I- wait, what?"

"Don't be mad, I did not mean to see this, but let me show you a dream you had two nights ago."


	2. Chapter 2

Dean was standing in the shower again, but he also wasn't. _What the hell? _He glanced towards the door, and there stood Cas. He was only wearing a towel, and his hair was glistening wet. He was holding a beer can.

"Dean?" Cas popped open his beer and took a sip.

"Ya?" Dean heard his own voice come from within the shower. _Seriously, what the hell? _The most remarkable thing was that he thought he sounded, almost, happy.

"Do you see Dean? You have been very confusing lately." This was Cas' hushed voice, but it hadn't come from the man standing in front of him. He whipped his head around almost smacking the person behind him. He found himself staring into another Cas' blue eyes, this one fully dressed, trench coat and all.

"Are you almost done? The pizza is already here." _Wait. Is this my dream?_ Cas was looking at him, imploring him to understand.

"This is my dream." Dean whispered back, a statement, not a question.

"Who else would be dreaming of ordering pizza? However, I spared you the most 'awkward' part of the dream for you and I to watch, as you would put it." Cas used his hands to make air quotes.

"Oh God no. You don't mean…?"

"Yes, before this we were in the shower together."

"T-Take me back Cas, to the car. I don't want to… I can't watch this."

Before he could explain what he meant, Dean was back in the car. He blinked a few times before his eyes adjusted to the dark gloom of the night. It took a second for him to realize there was no one sitting next to him. He gulped down the cool air trying to get a grip on himself. Sam sauntered out of the bar looking a little tipsy, which was a good thing for Dean. He would probably pass out on the road.

"Deeean, I felt bad about you being all alone out here. I'm tired of this town… lets get going." Sam slurred. He got a hand around the door handle on the second try and slammed it shut. Without uttering a word, Dean revved the engine and put his baby in gear. Before they were even on the highway, Sammy was softly snoring. Which left Dean alone with his thoughts.

_So this is what I've been dreaming of? Oh god. And, of all people, CAS saw it? _Dean reviewed what little of the dream he saw in his head. His mind was stuck on the last thing he said to Castiel. _He probably thought I was disgusted by the idea of us being together…how could he? I was the one who dreamt of us having shower sex! Fuck! Wait, am I? Not disgusted but like… weirded out by this? Well that's an understatement but still… _Dean tried to reason with himself but he couldn't bring himself to be grossed out, or even uncomfortable with the notion of sleeping with Cas. _I bet Cas doesn't feel that way about me though. But how does he feel about me? I assumed he thought we we're like brothers, but now he's gone and gotten all upset over my stupid choice of words. Maybe he thought I felt that way about him. It's not like I pulled out a ring though. Not in this dream, sure. SHUT UP! I'm just over thinking it like always. Cas is probably in heaven, laughing at my stupid teenage girl dreams and doing some ever-so-very-so important angel shit._

* * *

Cas was sitting alone on the very same park bench that had been his sanctuary earlier that week. He, too, was thinking about the last thing Dean said to him. _Dean was just overwhelmed at seeing his own dream. He never remembers his dreams, he said so himself. Or he was embarrassed, for which I can hardly blame him. Embarrassment has proved a very frequent emotion in humans, and I have not yet learned how to avoid it. What if he was disturbed by the fact it was me? I should never have been foolish enough to show him. I should have kept it secret. He thinks a relationship of that kind between us would be vulgar. I know it, truly how could I have thought he might want me? His subconscious was just… It wasn't correctly showing Dean's feelings. But he had more than one dream like that, more than five that you've seen alone! No, stop, I cannot afford to think that way. Perhaps they were nightmares. Dean is probably in his car, laughing at how I couldn't face him after he confirmed my suspicions that he had no feelings of that kind for me._

"Castiel? Your services are need in heaven." Cas raised his head to look at his brother, Gabriel, standing before him. He had always been one of Castiel's favorite brothers, a trickster, always joking around and making all the angels smile. On occasion, with the right company, he could even get them to relax and joke along with him. Gabe tilted his head sideways and looked curiously at Cas. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Never better brother. Let us go." What Gabriel did not know, was that inside Cas felt horrible; like a neglected bowl of cold greasy soup, like a smashed window, like crap.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean rubbed viciously at his eyes, trying to wake himself up. What he needed, was coffee. He raised his arms above his head, stretching out the tense, wound up muscles. He had lain awake for the greater part of the night last night, wondering when this stalemate between him and Castiel would end. It had been six days and nine hours since Cas had shown him his dream. Part of him want to pray to Cas, and ask him to explain why he was so horrified at Dean's dreams, it wasn't like he could control whether he had them or not. The other part was much too proud to do that, wanting to wait for the angel to come to him. _Not that Cas would give in that easily._

The case he and Sammy were working on wasn't helping. They were in Creston, Iowa, where in the past two weeks, seven people had been brutally killed, with stakes. At first Dean had thought, or wanted to think, that the victims were just a coincidence, whoever had been in the right place at the right time. But Sam had spent an hour doing research on his computer, which was a big surprise, and it turns out all seven belonged to the same church. As always, Castiel and the rest of the bible characters followed him everywhere he went.

"Dean, get out of bed you have to go to church." Dean slammed his eyes shut, groaning.

"I have to? Can't you?" Dean sat up, still surrounded by a sea of sheets.

"No, I have to go to the coroners. And no, we can't switch because you already told the coroner you were a journalist. He thinks I'm FBI." Rather than responding, Dean swore under his breath. "What's up with you lately? You're sulking around all the time. Is it because of Cas?"

"What? N-No… Why would you think that?" Dean tried to stand up normally, to appear as if everything was normal. He swayed forward, his tired legs unable to support him. At that, Sam snorted.

"I'm not dumb Dean. We're having a talk about this tonight. Now, get your Sunday best on and go to church."

* * *

Cas sat in an old and worn, yet loved armchair. He was in his garrison's library, with Uriel and Anna. He drew his knees up, and wrapped his arms around his shins. He was trying to work, to help Uriel, but couldn't concentrate. His friend was having trouble with his new charge, as he was an atheist. The three of them were trying to come up with a foolproof way to show this man that God existed, but was absent from His post. Where was He? Castiel wished he had someone to confide in about his troubles with his Father, but the only person who he could think of that he could talk to was Dean, or at least had been. He wanted desperately to go to Dean, and demand to know why he was disgusted at his own dream. But something held him back, not wanting to know. He was afraid that if he knew, the slightest hope of a chance of the possibility of them, his candle, would be extinguished. A voice brought Cas out of his trance.

"Why don't you just show him your wings? He can hardly say that you're that guy from X-men." The voice belonged to Gabriel.

"Ya, 'cause that's a good idea," snapped Anna.

"Jeez, sorry. Someone's touchy."

"Anna is tired Gabriel," said Uriel. "What is your business with us?"

"Actually, it's with Cas." Gabe turned to face his brother, still curled up in the chair. "Come with me, I need to talk to you. Alone."

Reluctantly, Cas emerged from the comfort of his oversized chair. Gabriel touched his arm, and they flew to Gabe's room. It was set up like a lounge, with huge leather couches, and it had a bar. Castiel's favorite part however was the old record player. Today, it was playing Elton John. Gabe shuffled over to one of the brown couches, and sunk down into it, Cas not far behind. The way Gabe was acting made Cas think that a major 'heart to heart' was about to happen.

"What is it you wanted to talk to me about brother?" Cas was surprised that his voice sounded normal, no dips or cracks. Maybe his mask was more seamless than he thought.

"Your charges, the Winchesters. More specifically, you're interesting way of dealing with Dean Winchester." _Nope, my mask is not close to adequate._

"What makes you think I'm dealing with him interestingly?"

"Well, for one, you're in love with him." Cas' eyes widened at that. As he opened his mouth to respond but Gabriel cut him off. "Don't play me for a fool Castiel, even if none of the others are observant enough, I know what I see. I also know something big went down recently because you haven't visited those two pesky, vexatious brothers in nearly a week. Where as before, you followed them around to give them a Band-Aid when they got a paper cut."

"I-I… Well…"

"Witty response, as expected. Do you want to explain to me what happened? Or am I going to have to go talk to Dean, and be your personal love maker? One or the other Cas, either one works with me. However if you make me cupid, keep in mind I can't help but be strikingly theatrical." Gabe raised his eyebrows, taunting Cas. "Seriously though, I can't just leave you like this."

"Gabe, I…. I can't. He isn't interested, end of story. Please, just leave it alone, okay?"

"Was he an asshole to you Cas?" Gabriel got the wrong idea from Cas, and clenched his fists, his knuckles whitening.

"No, not at all. I just… I was foolish."

"Come on Cas, your going to have to tell him how you feel sometime. Its not like the world will end. If you really need it, I can get Michael to switch the angel on the case, but you at least have to try first."

"What if he… what if he laughs at me Gabe?" He looked over to his closest brother, eyes wide and child-like.

"Then he's a fool, and not worth the trouble he's brought. But if he doesn't, won't it be worth the risk?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** Um... Hi, I guess. Thanks to the people who reviewed and favourited my story. And to all those who even bothered to read it. This is my first story, and I really didn't expect anyone to read it... so I just want to say thanks, I really appreciate it and I hope you like the new chapter. :) And sorry there's no Cas in it... there will be soon!

* * *

Dean was feeling incredibly bitter. He had spent half of the day at a church, talking to a bunch of depressed Christians. They wouldn't shut up about how they were completely sure that the angels of the Lord would avenge their friends because they were 'faithful followers of God'. The second half of his day, he had spent in the library with Sammy. They had been looking for the victims' deep dark, and dirty secrets. Which turned into looking for even a speck of dirt on the victims. Apparently, every single one of them was a genuine do-gooder. He couldn't figure out how, if they were never cruel or even mean, they would end up staked.

On top of his horrible day, he couldn't get his brain to concentrate on anything, apart from the fact that Sam knew something was up with Cas and him. _Sam's a sappy guy… maybe he can explain to me why I care so much about what Cas thinks of me. Except that he'll never stop making fun of me. I'll have to get him to bring it up because I if I did I would never live it down. But, he did say that we're going to talk about it tonight, so maybe I won't even have to nudge him toward it. Wow, Dean, you really are a timid whiny teenage girl. Shut up! God, I need to stop having internal conversations with myself…_

Dean tried to push the key into the barely working lock on their motel room door, but missed. He jammed it in again, to no avail. The third time, he let out an exasperated sigh and tried less forcefully, which worked. Wrenching it open, he walked in and forced the door shut behind him, turning around to lock it. He threw the key onto the table Sam was sitting at, on his laptop as usual.

"Hey. Took you long enough." Sam said, without looking away from his screen.

"Ya, there was a long line. Deal with it, bitch."

"Jerk." Sam paused, "did you get me a salad?"

"Yes, I got your pathetic salad. I can't believe you eat that crap. You do realize they only put salads on the menu so that people feel better about where they're eating, right?"

"Well, its better for you than bacon cheese burgers. You really do have an addiction man."

"Shut up and eat your salad." Dean dumped the fast-food bag on the tabletop. He pulled out the chair next to Sam and spun it around so it was facing his brother. He almost fell onto the floor trying to sit down but caught the table with his left hand and pulled himself sideways, hoping Sam wouldn't notice.

"So, if it's not a vengeful spirit, what is killing these people, and why? I was thinking, maybe it's a hate crime. I read legends about members of this church defending the town against vampires, by staking them. And yes, I do know that you actually have to cut off their heads to kill them but staking is what this town's lore says. So maybe it's a vampire trying to get revenge, or make a statement or something."

"That's a good point, but why not drink their blood? I haven't heard of many vampires with that kind of restraint."

"True… well, shit. Back to square one."

They fell into silence. Dean started to eat his dinner, and Sam followed suit. Dean only noticed that he had started to fall asleep in his chair when Sam spoke up.

"Wow Dean… you really need to get more sleep. You look like death. It's like you have two black eyes. And you can't even sit down properly!" Dean didn't answer that, because there was nothing he could say to defend himself. "Look, I know you hate 'chick flick moments' but I need to know what's going on with you. Remember when I was having nightmares about Jess? Your doing the same thing to yourself, I can tell. But you don't have any cause, because Cas is up there somewhere, and all you have to do to solve your problems is pray to him, and talk it out."

"Do I really have to spell it out for you? There's nothing going on with Cas and I. Just leave me alone, I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Ya, right Dean. I see how you look at each other. It's always those long romantic stares, but one of you is always looking away. And if your problem is that he's a guy, we both know you're bi. Don't you remember that little town in Idaho? Meridian, I think it was called?"

"Please don't bring up Meridian, how could I ever forget that God forsaken place. You know I don't care that he's a guy, -"

"HA! So you admit it then!" Sam received a scowl for that. Dean waited a minute before responding; not knowing how to phrase it correctly. Very tenderly, Dean tried to explain. While what he said didn't help all that much, the way he said it managed to make Sam understand what he was getting at.

"It's just… he's Cas." Sam smiled slowly.

"Exactly. He's Cas. He's way to good for you, but he's still in love with you. Are you really going to let him walk out your door?"

"He's what? In love with me?"

"Yes Dean. Normal people fall in love, and don't just have one night stands all the time, unlike you."

"Sam…" Before Dean could finish, or even really start, he was interrupted by Sam snickering.

"Yes, Dean. You're in love with him, too. I know it's a new emotion for you, so try not to have an aneurism, or anything." Dean rolled his eyes.

"Sam… what do I do?" Dean whispered, trying to get his brother to be serious.

"Tell him; and don't fuck him up Dean. Cas is fragile; he needs someone to be gentle with him. He really loves you. One thing your going to learn is that being in love is like… holding onto a flower. You need to hold on tightly, or it will blow away in the wind, but if you hold too tightly, you'll crush it."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry this chapter took me so long to write, I've just started back at school. How great for me... :| But anyways, I hope you like this chapter! Also, it's pretty short. Gah, I'm sorry! Thanks again for reading it.

* * *

Dean laid his head against the headboard. He closed his eyes and sucked in all the air he could, blowing it out through his nose. He trusted Sam with his life, but he couldn't bring himself to trust him on this. _How could Cas love me?_ For the past three hours, while Sam had been asleep, Dean had been debating whether or not to pray to Cas. He had almost done it once or twice, but run out of courage before he could get the words out.

_Even if I grow a pair and call Cas, what in the world would I say to him? Oh, hey Cas. I know I had sex-dreams about us and you watched them, and then we stopped talking. So I thought it was just the perfect time to tell you that I love you. You can go back to heaven or whatever now, because I know you don't love me back. I just wanted to tell you this and make our relationship as awkward as I possibly could. _Dean rolled his eyes, and then mentally scolded himself for having internal conversations again.

"Dean?" A familiar voice came from the other side of the motel room.

"Go back to sleep Sammy. It's not even three AM yet."

"I'm… It's not Sam." Dean snatched his gun from his bedside table while sliding is feet off the bed, standing up and turning around, all in one smooth motion. There was a figure standing in the far corner of the room. Dean struck out savagely at the light switch. The sudden illumination of the room took his eyes a moment to get used to.

"Cas…? Is that you?" Dean thought that there was no way Cas could just show up with all this going on in his head. He had to tell him. _Here goes everything…_ "Yes, its me. I want to tell you something of high import-"

"No, let me tell you something. It's been eating at me, well more like eating me alive, for this past week and I just… I need to talk to you Cas, please."

"Dean, shut up." Hearing Castiel, ever-so-grammatically-correct-and-formal say 'shut up' made Dean do just that. Clearly, this was incredibly important to Cas. It was then that he realized that they had both been creeping towards each other while continuously interrupting each other. Dean didn't know if Cas had been doing in purposefully, they had both been taking baby steps. They were now standing less than a foot apart, one more step and their toes would be touching. _If I lean forward, we could touch noses… _Cas' voice transported Dean back to reality. "Thank you. I need to make sure you know this, and depending on your reaction I will leave or stay accordingly."

Cas took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a small moment. Dean was watching him intently; hoping despite every fiber of his being saying it was impossible, that Cas would say he loved him. Or he liked him. Or he thought that maybe he could like him. Meanwhile, Cas was trying to collect himself for his confession. He was trying to remember what he had carefully planned out to say. He forced his eyes open, telling himself that he should rip the Band-Aid off quickly, rather than then the slow-peel technique. His speech started out quite bluntly, and from then on the words he had said inside his head a thousand times, flowed out of him; almost without any thought, and certainly without any doubt. He fixed his gaze on dean's hair, too afraid to take on Dean's bright eyes.

"I love you, Dean Winchester. Not only am I attracted to you; I feel this overpowering feeling when I'm around you. It's like I'm slowly, painfully defrosting next to you. You're like the sun and I'm Mercury, hopelessly orbiting around you. At first I thought it was just because I was assigned to your and Sam's case, its level of importance was making me nervous. Then I began to take note of the fact that I only felt this way around you, never when I was alone with Sam. Up until recently, I felt that I was dealing with it, but apparently not well. Gabriel knew all along. About two weeks ago, out of the blue, I caught a glimpse of your dream. The fleeting image I saw was of me. I wrenched out of your mind immediately, but I couldn't help myself. I had to see if it was possible, if we were possible. I watched your dreams for almost a week. Then I could not bear the guilt any longer, and I decided to show you. Admittedly, I did not give you a chance to explain your revulsion at 'us', but I was afraid; just as I still am. I returned to heaven. There, Gabe confronted me. He was the one who gave me the conviction that I could do this. That I could tell you how I feel. Now, I've laid it all out on the table for you. I need to know what you feel, and what you think of me. Or at least, I need to say goodbye. I know this is a large amount of information, so you probably need a moment to collect your thoughts. I can give you that... Just tell me when you're ready."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** Hi everyone :) Thanks a bunch for reviewing and following and favourite-ing and reading and everything. I don't know if I want to leave the story here (in a way it seems complete to me) or keep writing. If you'd like to voice your opinion, or give feedback PLEASE do. I hope you like it!

**UPDATE* **I've decided to leave the story here, I tried for a long time to keep it going, but I just doesn't work as it did before. Sorry :(

* * *

Dean stared at Cas. He didn't look shocked, or annoyed, or anything really. He just looked, and felt… blank, numb and empty. The first thought that was able to form in his muddled head was that Cas' speech sounded rehearsed. As if he had practiced for Dean. He had practiced to tell Dean that he loved him. Dean's working mind snapped back like a bullet from a gun.

"Cas… Holy fucking shit Cas." Dean shook his head vigorously from side to side, trying desperately to think of something smart and fitting to say.

"If you want me to leave Dean…" Cas mumbled having lost all of his previous audacity.

Dean had no idea what to say. But he couldn't just leave Cas standing there, apprehensive and anxious. He cursed himself for not being able to tell Cas how he felt, and all the words he couldn't say came out in action. Dean lunged, stumbling forward and pressed himself against the angel. _And God is he an angel. To love… me. _Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, one on his shoulder blades and one around his lower back. He held him so tightly that they both had trouble breathing, and there was hardly a square inch of each of them that not touching the other.

"D-Dean?" It was Cas' turn to have had no idea what to say, think or do. Dean had his arms glued to his sides so he couldn't even return Dean's hug.

"Oh Cas. I love you, I love you, I love you. I-… I know that I can't say things and say how I feel as well as you do, but God, I love you. I'm so sorry I made you think that I didn't. I've never said this to anyone but Mom, Dad and Sam. And Bobby, but he's basically Dad. And I just… oh my God." Dean's words erupted violently from his mouth, but the were also asking something of Cas. They were asking Cas to understand all that Dean didn't know how to say. Cas trembled as he realized this.

Castiel knew he wasn't dreaming, as it was too vivid. All he could concentrate on was that his whole life Cas had felt as if he were teetering on the edge of an endless void, about to fall. Now, he felt as though Dean had gripped his hand and pulled him from the rim. And he stood, shaking in his savior's arms. He wanted to laugh, cry, smile and scream all at once. He pulled his arms free from Dean's circle and threw them around his neck. Dean tightened his hold on Cas' torso. Cas leaned his forehead against Dean's. The both sighed at the same moment.

"Thank God," was all that came out of Cas' mouth. He had wanted to say something along the lines of: 'Dean I love you too. I want to be in your arms forever. Just hold me and I'll hold you. We'll be happy because we have each other.' However, he was far too exhausted to try to get the words out.

They stood silently together. Sam cracked one of his eyes open, trying to regulate his breathing so they wouldn't notice that he was awake. He had been the whole time, but he would never take the privacy of this moment from them. Thankfully, he had been lying on his side and didn't have to move to see them. He internally smiled, then closed both his eyes.

"Man, Cas, why didn't we do this sooner?" Dean whispered to the air.

"Because you were being dumb, Dean."

"Me? Never."

Dean grinned, something he hadn't done in a long time. He didn't just smile, he full on all-of-your-teeth-are-showing-and-you-look-like-an-idiot grinned, staring into Cas' pupils. He wanted to stay that way for as long as he possibly could. He had never felt anything so strong as he felt right now. What had before been a ripple of a crush on Cas was now a tidal wave. He couldn't stop it, and not a single part of him wanted to.

_There is only one thing that could possibly be better than this,_ Dean thought. _Should I try…? Oh God, I really don't know what to do. It's not like regular people go around saying 'oh yeah! If your even standing-up-cuddling with an angel and you want to kiss his, this is what you should do…' I should just… no. Fuck it._

With that, Dean kissed Cas. It wasn't just any kiss. It was everything the two of them were trying to tell each other. It was an aching pain, an itch they couldn't scratch. It was all they ever wanted. It was a party on New Year's Eve. It was dancing in the April rain. It was fireworks in July. It was hot chocolate in November. It was their first kiss. Simultaneously, yet silently, they decided that they wanted every kiss they shared to feel like this, until their last.


End file.
